FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:
1.The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called 'Petal Attraction'.
2.A 24-hour restaurant called 'Doris Day & Night'
3.Barber shop called 'Felix The Cut';
4.A bakery named 'Bread Pitt'
5.Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called 'Maruya Carey'.
6.Then, there is 'Christopher Plumbing'
7.A boutique called 'The Way We Wear'
8.A video rental shop called 'Leon King Video Rental'
9.A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called 'Caintacky Fried Chicken'
10.A local burger restaurant called 'Mang Donald's' (San Fdo, La Union )
11.A doughnut shop called 'MacDonuts'
12.A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called 'Wrap and Roll'
13.And two butcher shops called ' Meating Place and Meatropolis'.

TO ALL THE WHO WERE BORN IN THE ....

TO ALL THE WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1950's, 60's and 70's!

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. (sioktong ang inumin)

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, fish from a can (brand: ligo), and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints, pati na yung laruang kabayu-kabayuhan.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala ngang preno yung bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags – hanggang ngayon naman, di ba? (jeep)

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. (may kaya kayo pare!)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle (minsan straight from the faucet)

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contracted hepatitis.

We ate rice with tinunaw na Purico (dahil ubos na ang Star margarine), nutribuns na galing kay macoy and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight kasi nga...

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso, habulan taguan….

No one was able to reach us all day (di uso ang cell phone, walang beepers). And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our trolleys or slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words…masakit ba? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo, ang sasabihin sa iyo…beh buti nga !

We play in the dirt, wash our hands a little and ate with our bare hands…we were not afraid of getting worms in our stomachs.

We have to live with homemade guns–gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband, sumpit, tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakit…pero walang nagrereklamo.

made up games with sticks (syatong) and cans (tumbang preso)and although we were told it would happen, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay….paminsan minsan may nabubukulan.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!


Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Walang sumasama ang loob.


Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tignan kung ayos lang ang bata…hindi para makialam.


This generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and managers ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.


We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government regulated our lives for our own good.

and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!



PS - The big type is because your eyes may not be able to read this…. at your age

Mayaman at Mahirap

Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"

Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon

Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan

Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"

Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"

Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka,
"baboy"

Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"

Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"

Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"

Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"

Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"

Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka

Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."

Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"

Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"

Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"

Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"

Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"

Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!
________________________________________

A Gramattically Challenged Love Story

INQUIRER.net
Last updated 11:30am (Mla time) 08/10/2007

This affectionate parody of English as spoken and written by
Pinoys/nays has been in wildfire circulation on the Net among kababayan
with memories of the Old School. - ED

We've been friends since a long time ago. We come from the same alma
mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now
that I gave him a second look. I realize that beauty is in the eyes. The
pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya!
And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I
take your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He
explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if
I'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, "The!" Aba
! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried
buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo na lang na this is a
blessing in the sky.” Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na
rin. Now we're so in love! Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we
swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running out the time.
After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you married me?" I'm
still in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo naman, when its rain, it's
really fours talaga! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, Isaid yes.
Love is a many splendor, di ba?

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces.
Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng
humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss... The
nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still too on.
So I told her, "Whatever is that means, cut me some slacks, ‘no!" I
didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She
accused me of steeling her boyfriend. The nerd talaga! Ats if! I don't
never want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell her to the
marines! I told her, "Please, you should to mine your own business!"

Who would believed her anyway? Dahil it's not my problem anymore but
her problem anymore. Hmphf. Tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything
is coming up daisies! I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's
so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's out of our lives."
Kaya I advised you - take the risk! You can never can tell. Just burn
the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, well,
just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second
emotion.

Why There Couldn't there be a Filipino/American US President?

(TOP TEN REASONS)

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President
By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws
and extended relatives.
9. There are not enough parking spaces at the
White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas,
a Mercedes Benz, a BMW (Big Mean Wife), and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).
8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating
with their fingers at State dinners.
7. There are too many dining rooms in the White
House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?
6. The White House walls are not big enough to
hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork.
5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "psst...psst".
4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable
driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view
mirror or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.
3. No budget allocation to purchase a karaoke
machine for every room in the White House.
2. State dinners do not allow "TakeHome".
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A
FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight
Balikbayan boxes!

Cabbie’s Clever Comeback

Henk H. van Zuilekom, an Australian journalist/travel writer.

This humorous tale is dedicated to my dear friend Ricky, who, together with his wife Irene and ever-helpful staff member Evelyn, host the Birdwatchers’ Apartelle, Bar and Restaurant in Ermita. An eternal comedian, Ricky tells this story far better than I could ever write it down:

For 14 hours a day Umberto drives his taxi throughout the giant metropolis of Manila. An unsightly excuse for a public conveyance on balding tyres that would pass registration inspection only in Philippines.
One day, at NAIA, the international airport, he is approached by a Japanese businessman carrying a laptop and a small overnight bag:
“Oooh, you bring me City Garden Hotel, A Mabini Street,” and with that takes the front seat next to Umberto.
Traffic is light and the pair travel along in silence until, on Roxas Boulevarde, a gleaming new Toyota sedan overtakes Umberto’s smoking vehicle at considerable speed whereupon his passenger becomes more than a little excited:
“Ooooh, lookie, lookie, Tohota motorcar, maaade in Yapan, veeeery good, veeeery fast, gooood for Yapanese, gooood for me!” tapping himself on the chest.
Umberto, with an understanding in his fare’s national pride, offers a broad, nodding smile and returns his attention to the traffic.
However, barely half a kilometer hence his passenger spots a Kawasaki motorcycle and once again shouts into Umberto’s ear:
“Ooooh, lookie, lookie, Kawasaki motorcycle, maaade in Yapan, veeeery good, veeeery fast, gooood for Yapanese, gooood for me!” and so it went on with the Nip pointing out a Mitsubishi: “Ooooh, lookie, lookie. . .” a Yamaha: “ Ooooh, lookie, lookie . . .” and finally a Honda: “Ooooh, lookie, lookie, Honda motorcycle, maaade in Yapan, veeeery good, veeeery fast, gooood for Yapanese, gooood for me!” to the point of boredom for Umberto.
Having arrived at the hotel, as Umberto helps his passenger retrieve his luggage from the boot, his customer asks: “How muchie muchie?”
Umberto holds up two fingers on one hand and all five on the other indicating a fare of two thousand five hundred Pesos whereupon the man shows considerable anger and even more excitement, shouting: “Ooooh, too muchie muchie, short ride only, why you charge too muchie muchie?”
Umberto’s broad smile returns as he points at the dashboard inside the cab:
“Ooooh, lookie, lookie, Filipino taxi meter, maaaade in Philippines, veeeery good, veeeery fast, gooood for Filipino . . .
Henk H. van Zuilekom

Carwash and Vulcanizing

For more of these, check out this site
www.witerary.com/

Why pinoys can't be president of the usa

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a
Filipino-American US President by David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There is not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, Mercedes Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife), and MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with fingers at State dinners.

7. There is too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the Last Supper picture?

6. The White House walls is not big enough to hold a set of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "pssst...pssst".

4. Secret Service staff are uncomfortable driving the Presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or having the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase karaoke machines in every White House room.

2. State dinners do not allow "Take Home".

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS....

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!