Mayaman at Mahirap

Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"

Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo
Kung mahirap, "TB" yon

Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan

Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"
Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"

Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "sun tanned"
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga"

Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot"

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"...pagminamalas ka,
"baboy"

Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "nagtitiis"

Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pok-pok"

Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"

Kapag mayaman, "misguided" o "spoiled" ka
Kung mahirap ka, "addict" o "durugista"

Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent"
Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"

Kapag mayaman at sexy, "fashionable" daw
Kung mahirap, sigurado "GRO" o "japayuki" ka

Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian"
Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na " kumakain ng damo."

Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa
kanila ay "bastos!"

Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood"
Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"

Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"

Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,
"masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host
will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom"

Kung graduate ka ng exclusive school at sa ibang bansa ka nagtatrabaho, ang
tawag sa iyo "expat"
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "contract worker"

Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa office mo, "okay lang"
Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...
kaya forward mo na agad ito dahil nasa likod mo ang boss mo!
________________________________________

A Gramattically Challenged Love Story

INQUIRER.net
Last updated 11:30am (Mla time) 08/10/2007

This affectionate parody of English as spoken and written by
Pinoys/nays has been in wildfire circulation on the Net among kababayan
with memories of the Old School. - ED

We've been friends since a long time ago. We come from the same alma
mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now
that I gave him a second look. I realize that beauty is in the eyes. The
pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya!
And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I
take your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He
explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if
I'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, "The!" Aba
! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried
buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo na lang na this is a
blessing in the sky.” Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na
rin. Now we're so in love! Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we
swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running out the time.
After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you married me?" I'm
still in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo naman, when its rain, it's
really fours talaga! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, Isaid yes.
Love is a many splendor, di ba?

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces.
Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng
humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss... The
nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still too on.
So I told her, "Whatever is that means, cut me some slacks, ‘no!" I
didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She
accused me of steeling her boyfriend. The nerd talaga! Ats if! I don't
never want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell her to the
marines! I told her, "Please, you should to mine your own business!"

Who would believed her anyway? Dahil it's not my problem anymore but
her problem anymore. Hmphf. Tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything
is coming up daisies! I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's
so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's out of our lives."
Kaya I advised you - take the risk! You can never can tell. Just burn
the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, well,
just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second
emotion.

Why There Couldn't there be a Filipino/American US President?

(TOP TEN REASONS)

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President
By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws
and extended relatives.
9. There are not enough parking spaces at the
White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas,
a Mercedes Benz, a BMW (Big Mean Wife), and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).
8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating
with their fingers at State dinners.
7. There are too many dining rooms in the White
House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?
6. The White House walls are not big enough to
hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork.
5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "psst...psst".
4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable
driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view
mirror or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.
3. No budget allocation to purchase a karaoke
machine for every room in the White House.
2. State dinners do not allow "TakeHome".
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A
FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight
Balikbayan boxes!